How Will I Respond?

Yesterday, I was stalking my email inbox. Waiting, waiting, and waiting some more.

And then it came... on the Tuesday after the May long weekend... pretty much right after I prayed and told God that I'm leaving all the details of this missions immersion trip in His hands.

The email I was waiting for... came!

The one from Compassion Canada's Individual Sponsor Visit Associate.

The one confirming that the Compassion staff in the Philippines will be able to host our visit this summer.

The one that confirms our planned visit to the community where our sponsor daughter, Florianlyn, lives!

I could hardly contain the excitement that welled up inside me. I said to myself, "I can't believe that this visit is really, truly, indeed happening!"

Then, another emotion... a strangely familiar one, welled up inside me as well! The one of apprehension... the one that is uneasy about change.

What if the realities I see on this trip change me?

What if the realities I encounter on this trip constrain me to give up what is comfortable?

What if the realities I experience on this trip require me to respond in a radical way?

I don't like change. I like being comfortable. I want to respond on my terms. Self creeps in...

But deep inside I know, I believe... that self has no place in the life of a Christ-follower!  For it says in Matthew 16:23-27 (NIV):

Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it. What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done.

Above all else, I want to be Christ's disciple. I want to find life. I don't want to forfeit my soul. I want to live life, this new life... as a daughter of the Resurrection; to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with God.

As I prayed {earlier this week} and left all the details of this missions immersion trip in God's hands, my ongoing prayer is that I remain empty, an empty vessel... so that He can fill me with all the ways in which He desires me to respond before, during and after this trip.

With arms high and heart abandoned in awe of The One who gave me all...

Unwrapping more of His love in this world.

Act justly.  Love mercy.  Walk humbly with God!