At The Halfway Mark

We are at the halfway mark...

... of this trip that we didn't plan to embark on this Summer, or even possibly ever at all.

Coming back to this place, where three years ago God broke our family's heart for the things that break His, has been surreal... a roller-coaster of emotions.

We've celebrated.

We've mourned.

We've rejoiced.

We've struggled.

We've been simultaneously overwhelmed and overjoyed.

I am at a lost for words at times. Actually even if I had the words, they aren't adequate to describe the range of emotions that have flooded my heart this past week-and-a-half.

Yet, as I sometimes lay there in the still of the night or before the break of dawn... unable to sleep because of jet-lag and alone with my deep thoughts, God is always there with a peace that surpasses all understanding.

As we celebrated our family's 20th birthday, also known as hubby and my wedding anniversary, in style at an upscale seaside resort...

And then turning around the following day to meet our newest Compassion sponsor child, 5-year-old John, who had his first-ever escalator ride when we took him and his family to the shopping center...

As we dined in restaurants, with tables full of food, one meal costing almost equivalent the average monthly wage for someone earning minimum wage...

And then hearing our sponsor child's mother say that their greatest need is some rice because her husband is currently out of work...

As we spent a difficult day sorting through our beloved Papa's earthly belongings as he'd recently gone home to heaven...

And then seeing little John treasure so much the one box of Lego that we brought as a gift for him...

As we spent the Lord's Day worshiping God with our Compassion LDP student, Rechelle and her church family, our hearts and souls refreshed as we experienced firsthand what it means to worship God with abandon while living in extreme poverty...

And then going from that worship experience to an overnight stay at a world-class beach resort and being cognizant of the fact that the majority of our Filipino brothers and sisters can not afford luxuries such as what we were enjoying at that moment...

As my boy did several speed-cubing demos, one of them as part of the Canada Day celebrations in Cebu, smack in the middle of an upscale shopping mall that would feel right at home in the heart of Toronto...

My boy mentioned his Compassion advocacy work in every one of his four demos!
I am a proud mama... deeply grateful for this son of mine, a young man after God's own heart. #1000gifts.

And then hearing our Compassion LDP student tell us that she's only stepped foot in this same shopping mall twice this year, one of which is this time with us, because it is "a mall for the upper class."

As we celebrated Canada Day at a five-star hotel, with the Canadian Ambassador speaking about Canada's announcement naming the Philippines as a "focus country" for development dollars to flow to...

The Ambassador also recognized my parents that night, specifically thanking my Dad for his 15 years of service as
the Honourary Consul of Canada in Cebu as he and my mom turn a new page in life, retirement! 

And then spending the following day with our Compassion LDP student, Rechelle and seeing her family home once again after three years. Although it is a hundred-fold better from when we first saw it, after we helped them to rebuild it when it was demolished by a recent earthquake, yet it is still considered as a sub-standard shelter... a testament that development dollars really are desperately needed here.

Three years ago. Before the earthquake destroyed Rechelle's home.
The house is like a crawlspace, one can not stand up inside it.

Rechelle's newly-built concrete house on the exact same location, after it was demolished by the earthquake.
On the left side, behind Rechelle's dad, are two properly built bedrooms!!!
I *could not* stop smiling after seeing it... though still small, it is 100 times better than it was before.
We said that it is the best $1000 gift we have *ever* given!!! #1000gifts.

Many things, I fail to understand. 

Many things, I find difficult to reconcile.

Many things, I don't think I'm supposed to understand or reconcile.

I rely on God's peace instead. That peace that surpasses all understanding.

Before embarking on this trip, I asked God to open my eyes to see... even though braveness is outside my comfort zone.

And He truly is faithful. He has given me the courage to really see.

To see that He truly has the whole world in His hand.

To see that there is much dire need in this world.

To see that I can be a channel of His peace to a world in need.

One child at a time. One family at a time. One community at a time.

That it doesn't have to be grandiose.

That I just have to obey one step at a time.

That one yes at a time is all that God asks of me.

We are currently making our way to the island of Masbate to see our sweet Compassion daughter Florianlyn and to see the classrooms that Eucharisteo: A Celebration of Joy built. We are super excited. 

Because the classrooms in Masbate are a tangible example of God multiplying meager offerings a thousand fold and making beauty out of our ashes.

It is a tangible picture of God's grace at work in unqualified people's lives.

It is a beautiful story of following Jesus and saying yes, one small step at a time... and coming to realize that broken is the most blessed you can be.

Compassion is a command, an act of worship, a song of thanks to Him.

Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God!

On Celebrating 20 Years

Today, we are celebrating... 
... 20 years of God's faithfulness and His relentless love for our family on this occasion that we've fondly named as "our family's birthday".

I read this quote recently...

... a marriage made in Heaven is one where a man and a woman become more richly themselves together than the chances are either of them could ever have managed to become alone.

- Frederick Buechner.

At the Compassion Philippines office.

I was also reminded of this children's song by Psalty (The Singing Songbook) yesterday as we visited with Floyd's brand new great nephew:

I want to be like you, Lord Jesus, yes it's true. Give your peace. Share your joy. Show your love, Lord. How I want to be like you.

With Baby Boaz. We're at the grandparents' level now... level up! ;)

I am deeply thankful for God's gift of a life partner for me in Floyd because together, we are definitely bolder in giving Jesus' peace, sharing His joy and showing His love than we each could ever have managed to on our own.

The fact that I am writing this blog post back here in the Philippines today, the place where we were married, is a testament to this... because, as I've said before, braveness is outside my comfort zone.

Just one of the many slum communities that we drove past on our first day in Manila.

Our family is looking forward to these next three weeks and thankful for the opportunity to learn more about the different ministries that, over these 20 years, we have come to love supporting. We will be visiting the field work of the following organizations:

Compassion International: Compassion International exists as a Christian child advocacy ministry that releases children from spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enables them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults. Founded by the Rev. Everett Swanson in 1952, Compassion began providing Korean War orphans with food, shelter, education and health care, as well as Christian training. Today, Compassion helps more than 1.2 million children in 26 countries.

International Justice Mission: International Justice Mission protects the poor from violence throughout the developing world. We are inspired by God’s call to love all people and to seek justice for the oppressed.

Habitat For Humanity: Habitat for Humanity’s vision is a world where everyone has a decent place to live. Our mission is to put God’s love into action by bringing people together to build homes, communities and hope.

God's grace is truly a beautiful thing. I am deeply grateful.

Compassion is a command, an act of worship, a song of thanks to Him.

Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God!

On Being Brave...

Just one more sleep now...
And then, we're off! And I am going to go with my eyes wide open. 

I will be brave... and I will hold on to the promise found in these words from Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

I am going to go with my eyes wide open... because broken is the most blessed you can be!

But before I could wrap my mind around going...

... we had one BIG occasion to celebrate first. Last night, my baby boy graduated from Grade 8! 

How is it that time always flows like a relentless river? How is it that my cute little baby boy has, seemingly in just a blink of an eye, grown into a handsome young man, almost surpassing me in height already?

I am deeply grateful for God's beautiful work in his life... for growing him into a man after God's own heart, as has been my prayer for him since the day he was born! Truly, only by God's grace alone! To Him alone be all the glory!

Speaking of being brave... being a mama takes much braveness. As I danced with my boy right after the graduation ceremony, the years of being his mama flashed before my eyes. Oh, how time flies!

And the years still ahead also flashed before my eyes. I relished in the fact that this mama's work isn't done yet! In more ways than one, it is just beginning.

I am truly thankful... because this son of mine has made me mother with braveness. Because of him I have not only become a better mama, I've become that better version of myself!

It was a great day celebrating our baby boy, our Jonathan, our gift from God... as is the meaning of his name. He truly is a gift from God... he has brought great joy to his dad and me and to his big sister!

This message from us, was read to him as he crossed the stage to receive his diploma:

Dearest Jon: We are very proud of the young man you have grown up to be, one who is not only smart, but more importantly kind-hearted & compassionate.

God has especially gifted you with an intelligent & creative mind. Each day we are amazed that you have, yet again, a new personal best Rubik’s Cube solve time.

May you continue to use God’s gifts for purposes that are bigger than yourself. Keep chasing after God’s heart. We love you! ~ Dad, Mom & big sister, Alyssa.

"A mother holds her child's hand for just a short time, but holds their heart for a lifetime." ~ Unknown.

Today was his last day of school...

... as we leave for our trip tomorrow. I went to meet him at the end of the school day to walk home with him this one last time.

As we walked home, it dawned on me that as he starts high school in the Fall, there will be lesser and lesser times for me to "hold his hand".

This will require even more mama-braveness... because letting go is not easy.

But this I do know... if this boy of mine continuously strives to chase after God's heart, he will be truly great. Not great as the world defines greatness, but great in terms of Kingdom greatness. 

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. ~ C.S. Lewis.

As I continue on this journey of motherhood... 

I will remember to continue to aim at heaven. And to be brave... even though braveness is outside my comfort zone.

Because... 

There are those who say that this is ordinary. Don't buy that for a second. Mighty, you are mighty. Because you mother. ~ Lisa-Jo Baker.

And, as we embark on this trip starting tomorrow...

I will remember to keep my eyes wide open. And to be brave... even though braveness is outside my comfort zone.

Because... 

Our yes to God should scare us.

Not to keep us immobile, but to keep us dependent on the One who asks us to say it in the first place.

Fear keeps us moving towards God.

Yes, there is fear in obedience. But peace keeps us on the journey.

And the joy that follows our yes to God is wild.

~ From this must-read blog post by Kristen Welch.

Compassion is a command, an act of worship, a song of thanks to Him.

Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God!

On Going With My Eyes Wide Open...

Just 13 sleeps away...
Yes, we are going back! To that place where, three years ago, God broke our hearts for the things that break His.

The slums of Manila {Philippines}

This trip wasn't in our summer plans... or even at all. We had no plans to return to the Philippines. The trip just sort of came together because of a few different circumstances we couldn't have foreseen.

The summer initially looked very different in my eyes...

My girl was going to spend one month in Guatemala with Mennonite Central Committee. We were going to join her for a week at the tail-end so we could visit and meet Esperanza.

Then hubby's dad, our beloved Papa, who had last-stage lung cancer, got even more ill.

Then my Dad's retirement event got scheduled on a summer date which is now suddenly feasible for us to attend.

Then my girl's Guatemala trip got cancelled.

All of a sudden, our summer looked entirely different.

We mulled over the huge expense that a trip to the Philippines would entail... especially since it is still so soon after our previous trip there. But, everything seems to be pointing us towards taking the trip.

We could spend some precious time with our beloved Papa.

We could attend my Dad's retirement event.

We could visit our Filipino Compassion children and we could go see the classrooms that we raised funds for to help build!

Oh, the excitement! So, we swallowed the big lumps in our throats and purchased our plane tickets.

And then, 10 days later, on Resurrection Sunday, our beloved Papa passed from this world into the everlasting arms of our Heavenly Father. Hubby flew over, on his own, to attend the funeral.

Yet, our plane tickets aren't refundable, so we are going ahead with the trip. 

It is going to be a bittersweet time... because we won't be seeing our beloved Papa... but it will be a sweet time of remembering a man who was always good-natured, joyful and happy, content to live a simple life, was radically generous, who understood and lived this truth... “So the last will be first, and the first will be last. (Matthew 20:16)”

Phew... that was a long-winded intro as to why we are going on this trip!

All that is to say...

Because this trip came about so suddenly and unexpectedly, I am not prepared for it. Not in terms of packing... but more so, not emotionally.

Overlooking Taal Volcano during our previous trip to the Philippines. 

Because being broken transforms you.

Because having to experience the contrast between the first world and the third world is not at all easy. 

Because stepping out of comfort zone scares me.

Hubby and I were chatting the other day and I told him, "Perhaps, I will just keep the eyes of my heart shut for the entire trip... so that I won't see anything."

I thought back to the start of our previous trip there... we were only sponsoring Florianlyn and Bell Bradley at that time... hardly being stretched at all.

My girl and our LDP student, Rechelle. We met Rechelle during our last trip.
We left that meeting feeling that God was asking us to sponsor her.

In the three years that has passed since the trip, we have added Rechelle, a Compassion Leadership Development Student and four other sponsor children to our family, plus helped raised funds to build a 6-classroom structure in the remote island of Masbate, Philippines.

It has been an intense three years of God breaking our family's heart for the things that break His.

Even though an article like this is written about our family... and we find ourselves featured in a teaching series like this... and my girl gets recognized for an award like this... and a tweet like this is directed our way... 

I am not sure I am capable of being stretched some more...

I am not sure I am ready to be face-to-face with extreme poverty again so soon... 

I am not sure my heart can be broken any more than it already is!

Yet I also fully know that...

God isn't done with me and that broken is the most blessed you can be and that beauty is always most beautiful in the most broken places.

This past Friday, Claire Diaz-Ortiz guest-blogged at A Holy Experience. I have never heard of her before but the blog post title caught my eye... When God Changes All Your Plans. The blog post content gripped me even more. Claire wrote:

And it was in that moment that God spoke to me in His way. With a feeling I had never had before and have never had since I was convinced He was with me.

With the certainty of that knowledge, I gave my plea.

“If you have put this place in the road to change me, open my eyes so I can see.”

Hmmm... didn't God just change all our summer plans? And didn't I just say to hubby that I am going to keep my eyes shut this trip?!?

Our sweet Florianlyn, playing on the beach with my kids.

Claire's blog post challenged me. 

To go with my eyes wide open. To see with my heart. To allow God to change me.

Because "the God who started this great work in you (me) would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. (Philippians 1:6)"

Today is a special day...

Surprise BIG SCREEN birthday greeting at church this morning! 

And I am offering up endless thanks for God's grace in my life... for the gift of yet another year to do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with the One whose love for me is so relentless that He is willing to start a great work, plus bring it to a flourishing finish, with and through this life!

"A-I-M-E-E." Loved one.

God is always good and I am always loved and eucharisteo has made me my truest self, "full of grace." Doesn't eucharisteo rename all God's children their truest name:

"Loved one."

~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

Yes, it's just 13 sleeps away now...

We have started packing and the anticipation is starting to build. We are getting excited. And yes... though not easy to do, I will be going with my eyes wide open! :)

Because... broken is the most blessed you can be!

Compassion is a command, an act of worship, a song of thanks to Him.

Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God!

When We Go With God's Flow...

You know that saying...
"Just go with the flow." Yes, that! I have come to learn that beautiful God-things always result when we let God interrupt our days with His flow... when we are willing to be sensitive to His promptings and when we are in tune with His heart, especially when it comes to the things that break it.

This past Saturday was one of those days... 

The day was off to an early start. Hubby and I were to be attending our church's Annual Meeting which required us to leave the house by 8am. Yawn!

I had just enough time to read the verse of the day from my YouVersion app before jumping out of bed to get going. With two minutes left to spare before 8am, I shared the verse on Facebook... intending to read more of the chapter on the drive to church.

But as hubby pulled out of the driveway, the verse promptly left my brain... as thoughts of a busy day ahead filled my mind.

We spent all morning at the church and got home around the lunch hour. We still had groceries to buy, shopping to do, laundry to wash, dinner to make... the list goes on.

So just as quickly as we got home, we pulled out of the driveway again. This time with our son in tow as he is growing like a weed these days and is in need of some new clothing items.

Our first stop, Target!

As we pulled into a parking spot... 
I saw her approaching our car. We would later come to know her as Fela, a refugee from Romania. She is nine months pregnant and speaks very broken English.

I said to hubby, "I think this woman needs help." He looked at me with knowing eyes, rolled down the window and read her note, "3 hungry kids at home. Need money for rent and diapers."

Hmmm... a God-interruption to my day!

I thought to myself, "We'll quickly buy her what she needs and then we can get on with our own shopping."

But I really should know by now that God is pleased when we sacrifice... He is pleased when we step out of our comfort zone, not when we do just what is the most convenient for us. If only, at this point, I had the verse I read earlier in the morning in my mind. But it had already left my brain earlier, remember? ;)

We started to fill the shopping cart with things...

When she said the baby wouldn't have anything to wear after she's born, my heart broke.

When she wouldn't buy the $3.04 carton of eggs because it was cheaper at another store for $2.88, my heart broke.

When she wouldn't buy the block of cheese because it was too expensive at $6.33 and a luxury in her opinion, my heart broke.

When she said the only meat she feeds her children is boiled hot-dogs, my heart broke.

My heart broke for the things that break God's heart... and together, Fela and I, we filled the cart. Diapers. Baby girl clothes. Groceries. Yes, including a carton of eggs and a block of cheese and a big bag of hot-dogs.

I chatted some more with her as we shopped and quickly found out that she has no way of getting home. A friend dropped her off at the Target parking lot earlier in the day and will be back for her at the end of the day.

A pregnant woman who is due literally any day now is having to stand outside in the rain all day begging so her kids don't go hungry... why does God allow so much suffering?

We offered to drive her home. But she said that she still needed to stand in the parking lot to beg. She is short $60 and rent is due the next day.

We decided to give her the $60 she needed and offered to drive her home. Suddenly, my idea "of quickly helping her so that I can get going with my own shopping" got thrown out the window. God has now successfully majorly interrupted my Saturday afternoon plans! ;)

Not only that, He has also successfully led me into majorly uncomfortable territory... giving cash to a stranger and letting her into our vehicle. 

She told us that she doesn't live far but that she doesn't know the address, she just knows the way. We drove and drove and drove. It wasn't just around the corner, as she had suggested. It was in the next city, in the poorer part of town. Well, to her... it must seem like "just around the corner" compared to how it is in Romania.

As we drove and drove and drove, I chatted some more with Fela...

She and her husband are refugees claimants. They have only been in Canada for 2 years. They went to Montreal first but couldn't find jobs there. They moved to the Toronto area just 4 months ago thinking that jobs would be easier to find in a bigger city.

Such was not the case. Not only is rent double the price, jobs aren't easier to find.

They have 3 little boys and are expecting their first daughter any day now. They are in a desperate situation.

She told me that she is a Christian. She told me repeatedly that God would bless us for our generosity towards her. Then she asked me to help her find a Romanian church!

We finally arrived at her apartment building. We exchanged contact information and I promised to find her a Romanian-speaking church community. Then we said goodbye and parted ways.

It was surreal driving back... 
As we retraced our steps and drove back to the Target store to re-start our afternoon, I kept asking myself this question, "Why does God allow so much suffering?"

Little did I know, God was going to answer my question the very next day via the teaching at church. The teaching series is entitled Questioning God and the first question that our Teaching Pastor, Bruxy Cavey, was answering on Sunday was... yup, you guessed it... "Why does God allow so much suffering?" 

Christ-followers are designed to be agents of change in this world. - @bruxy. #tmhQuestioningGod @TheMeetingHouse
— Aimee Esparaz (@Mama2GreatKids) May 4, 2014

God wants to partner with His image-bearers. It's our move now! - @Bruxy #tmhQuestioningGod @TheMeetingHouse
— Aimee Esparaz (@Mama2GreatKids) May 4, 2014

'free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having.' - CS Lewis
— alyssa (@_godsgal4ever) May 4, 2014

Yes! The question really isn't why God allows so much suffering...
Because Jesus says in Mark 7:21-23, "It's what grows out of the hearts of people that leads to corruption." Our sin affects creation. Our planet is sick because of our mistreatment of it and of each other.

The question really is... where are the Christ-followers, us who are God's image-bearers, in the midst of all this suffering... and what are we doing to make this world a better place?

Photo Credit: God's Gal
Isaiah 58: The fast God chooses.

Aren't we who are Christ-followers and God's image-bearers commanded to choose the same kind of fast that God has chosen... to be agents of change in this world?

To liberate those tied down and held back by injustice, to lighten the load of those heavily burdened, to free the oppressed and shatter every type of oppression.

A fast for Me involves sharing your food with people who have none, giving those who are homeless a space in your home, giving clothes to those who need them, and not neglecting your own family.

This is not an easy fast to choose. Yet, it is a beautiful fast... as it comes with a promise:

Then, oh then, your light will break out like the warm, golden rays of a rising sun; in an instant, you will be healed.

Your rightness will precede and protect you; the glory of the Eternal will follow and defend you. Then when you do call out, “My God, Where are You?” The Eternal One will answer, “I am here, I am here.”

If you make sure that the hungry and oppressed have all that they need, then your light will shine in the darkness, and even your bleakest moments will be bright as a clear day.

The Eternal One will never leave you; He will lead you in the way that you should go. When you feel dried up and worthless, God will nourish you and give you strength. And you will grow like a garden lovingly tended; you will be like a spring whose water never runs out.

As Bruxy taught some more on this topic...
Tears welled up in my eyes... as I realize that God was right there with Fela, standing with her in that parking lot, on a rainy Saturday afternoon, as she begged and agonized over her hungry children at home.

You see, we serve a God who is familiar with suffering.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:21

In Jesus God has come to share our pain. God is no absent academic who writes a book on the problem of pain. He got involved. He has allowed pain at its most severe to strike him. We worship a suffering God: that is the best answer to the problem of undeserved suffering. ~ Michael Green, The Message of Matthew.

God knows Fela's suffering... and alongside Fela, He was waiting to see how we would respond as His followers, as His image-bearers.

Then the King will say to those on his right, "Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me."

Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, "Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?" Then the King will say, "I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me — you did it to me." 

~ Matthew 25:34-40, The Message.

When we finally got home that night...
We were catching some down-time after an eventful day. Hubby was scrolling through his Facebook feed and came across my post from earlier that day.

He remarked, "Wow, that verse you shared on Facebook this morning..."

I said, "What verse?" 

I had to check my own Facebook profile to jog my memory! Ah, yes... this verse:

And I smiled... deeply thankful and I marveled at how God makes beautiful things out of seemingly ordinary days! 

And, as an addendum to this story... we have found a Romanian-speaking church community for Fela and her family! We are praying that a connection can be made this week. 

:: :: ::

As I continue to count grace-gifts, with unending thanks... these are the things I am thankful for... #3208 - #3215:

:: God-interruptions! ♥ 

:: Family and friends getting together over the Easter weekend.

:: A life well-lived... by our beloved Papa.

:: This beautiful tribute... by my girl, for her Ankong Papa.

:: Hubby being able to be with family in the Philippines during the week of Papa's funeral... and for a safe trip there and back.  

:: God's sustaining grace... as the kids and I grieved from afar, here at home.

:: Sufficient grace, for difficult days... as we each grieve differently.

:: The outpouring of love, support and prayers from many friends and family during this difficult time.

In counting grace-gifts...
I am learning to let be and be still... and to pay more attention to my Jesus... and to be ready to act on the things that He has in store for me to do... because "all there is to see is Jesus."

Eucharisteo curves the moment into a cupola of grace, an "architecture of holiness." - a place for God. Thanks makes now a sanctuary.

~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

Compassion is a command, an act of worship, a song of thanks to Him.

Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God!

Lent Ponderings {Resurrection Sunday}

{Edited and updated on Easter Monday, April 21.}

That day 20 years ago, when he became "Papa" to me...

I will miss him dearly... though hard to accept that we aren't able to see him when we visit the Philippines just two short months from now, I am deeply thankful that he is no longer suffering and is now resting in Jesus' everlasting arms.

Just a few hours after publishing this blog post yesterday, on Resurrection Sunday evening, Papa went home to be with Jesus.

Though unknown to me at the time of posting, I am thankful that this blog post has now become a tribute to a man who lived a life well-lived.

Brothers and sisters, we want you to know about those Christians who have died so you will not be sad, as others who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and that he rose again. So, because of him, God will raise with Jesus those who have died. What we tell you now is the Lord’s own message. We who are living when the Lord comes again will not go before those who have already died. The Lord himself will come down from heaven with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. And those who have died believing in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive will be gathered up with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words. ~ 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, NCV.

Some of our last photos with him...

:: :: ::

It has been...
a roller-coaster-like, emotionally-draining, tough-to-face kind of week for our family... this past week leading up to Resurrection Sunday.

One who is a dearly beloved of ours lays suffering in a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, half a world away, battling pneumonia while fighting stage four lung cancer. Hard of breathing, loss of consciousness, suspected blood clots.

The fragility of life hits close to home. Its brevity, its fleetingness all too real.

Our hearts break. Our tears fall. 

And we wait for news... we wait, wait, wait. 

Waiting is hard. Waiting from afar, even harder.

Trusting and waiting is hard. Pain and suffering, even harder.

Photo Credit: Red Letter Christians

Yet, in the places and circumstances resembling dark Holy Saturdays... there is nothing left to do but to trust and to wait.

In this past week's particular trusting and waiting, these words from Psalm 139 have been a balm for my aching heart...

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.

Your thoughts - how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them! I couldn’t even begin to count them - any more than I could count the sand of the sea. Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!

Ah, yes! All the days of our dearly beloved's life have been prepared by God before he'd even lived one day. I came to be reminded that he isn't only a dearly beloved one of ours, he is God's dearly beloved child, his name inscribed in the palm of God's hand... what beautiful truth! 

And the reality of Sunday a-coming gives me Hope... because in Jesus, there is always Hope! 

And in that Hope, we are commanded to live as resurrection people. 

Our task in the present is to live as resurrection people in between Easter and the final day. ~ N.T. Wright.

So we do just that. We trust as we wait. We hope for what seems impossible.

We reminisce and rejoice... of our dearly beloved who is always good-natured, joyful and happy, who is content to live a simple life, who is radically generous, who is uncomplicated, who is unconcerned about fame and wealth and status, who understands and lives this truth... “So the last will be first, and the first will be last. (Matthew 20:16)”

We give thanks for a life well-lived and pray for the grace of more time on this earth with him.

And in the living out our life this way, as people of the resurrection, even as we still wait... peace comes.

Just as Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)"

Just as it was on that first Resurrection Sunday...

While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.”

On the eve of Resurrection Sunday...

We get that first bit of good news. Our dearly beloved one is breathing more and more on his own again. There's even talk of perhaps being discharged from Intensive Care Unit in the coming days!

A glimmer of hope. A flicker of light getting ready to break through the darkness. Joy!

I think... much just like how it was on that very first Resurrection Sunday!

The holy grail of joy's not in some exotic location or some emotional mountain peak experience. The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of wondrous now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! The only place we need see before we die, is this place of seeing God, here and now. ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

Compassion is a command, an act of worship, a song of thanks to Him.

Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God!

Lent Ponderings {Start of Holy Week}

Last night at Home Church...
In reflection of God's great love for us and to prepare our hearts to celebrate this Holy Week, we broke bread together, in Holy Communion, around the table of thanksgiving.

And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them... ~ Luke 22:19, NIV.

It was a beautiful time... us all reflecting on the immense significance and impact of Grace, of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, for us as individuals and for humankind as a whole... and us all sharing, around that table of thanksgiving, the things that we have to be thankful for, even for those hard things and for those broken places in our lives!    

From page 32, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

We read excerpts from the book One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. It is no secret to those who know me personally and to those who read this blog regularly that this book has impacted me in a very deep way and has changed me for the better.

Since Ann's words on pages 32 and 33 are so relevant for this Holy Week, I wanted to share a snippet with our Home Church family last night:

Deep chara joy is found only at the table of the euCHARisteo - the table of thanksgiving.

Is the height of my chara joy dependent on the depths of my eucharisteo thanks?

As long as thanks is possible, then joy is always possible. Joy is always possible.

The joy wonder could be here! Here, in the messy, piercing ache of now, joy might be - unbelievably - possible! 

Charis. Grace.

Eucharisteo. Thanksgiving.

Chara. Joy.

"The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live... He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything."

Last night's communion around the table of thanksgiving with our Home Church family was just the boost I needed to jump-start this Holy Week. It was life-giving, joy-inducing, soul-lifting!

During this season of Lent...
As I go through daily readings from A Place At The Table by Chris Seay, I have been reminded once again that we really do have so much to be thankful for... and that it is utterly important for us as Christ-followers to live out our faith, to live out our thanks, to be bread for those in need... to give, to bless, to sacrifice.

For God loved the world so much that He gave... 

Jesus is our ultimate example. With outstretched arms, nail-pierced hands, thorn-pierced head... He suffered and gave us the greatest gift... a life abundant!

So, shouldn't we live fully? In response to Grace? 

Shouldn't we live out thanks? As an expression of our faith?

What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well” — but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless. {Read more from James, chapter 2.}

:: :: ::

As I continue to count grace-gifts, with unending thanks... these are the things I am thankful for... #3189 - #3207:

:: Our Home Church family! ♥ 

:: Abundant life in and through Christ Jesus!

:: Reading letters from our Compassion children.

:: Getting new passports... even before knowing that God is sending us on another wild adventure this summer. {More on this in a future blog post.} 

:: Access to free and world-class, top-notch medical care... a normal brain MRI result for my girl... and hopefully a confirmation of a diagnosis for eye migraines.    

:: Our whole family at a live Raptors game to celebrate my girl's 17th birthday. 

:: My new cast-iron pot!

:: March Break... and a short getaway to Montreal, for a speed-cubing competition {for my boy} and to visit a university {for my girl}.

:: Another successful AIDS Care season at our church!

:: Visiting our friends at Camp Freedom and touching base about some summer plans.

:: Another sandwich run for the homeless... and the opportunity to partner with my boy's school on packing the care packages.

:: A lunch with some girlfriends.

:: Tax returns filed on time! Phew!

:: Celebrating a family wedding.

:: A great team of leaders to serve alongside with at our church. Blessed! ♥

:: Spring update from our Lead Pastor... thankful that God chooses to partner with us to build His Kingdom.

:: Coffee time with my sister... 

:: A great youth retreat for my kids just this past weekend.

:: God's peace in the midst of our stresses, worries and troubles. 

In counting grace-gifts...
I am learning to let be and be still... and to pay more attention to my Jesus... and to be ready to act on the things that He has in store for me to do... because "all there is to see is Jesus."

Gratitude is the only appropriate response to Grace.

~ Bruxy Cavey, Part 2 of Life 2.0 teaching series at The Meeting House.

Compassion is a command, an act of worship, a song of thanks to Him.

Do justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with God!